What I Ate Day 29 and Some Thoughts

I've thought a lot lately about beauty. What is it and how do we as women get to the point that we can look in the mirror and say, "I really like myself" and "I think I'm beautiful?" And most importantly how do we instill in our young daughters self worth and true beauty (not the kind we see at the grocery store checkout)?

At a very early age I knew I never wanted to be fat. I looked at my mother and my sisters and saw the struggles they went through and I knew I didn't want to have the same experience. I even went through a little starvation phase in Junior High School where I would eat one meal a day (dinner so my mom wouldn't catch on) and the rest of the time would be water and chewing gum. When I was 8 or 9, I would go jogging on Saturday morning with my friends...not because I liked it mind you, but because I didn't want to get fat. I was obsessed.

I never weighed myself because I couldn't handle tipping the scale at 115 lbs. It was too much for me to see that I was blowing up like a balloon (insert eye roll). No matter my size I always thought I was too fat or too ugly. Like I said, I was obsessed.

High school and college rolled by and I found myself living single for my entire 20's. I did pretty good with myself. My weight yo-yo'd a bit, but not to any extreme. I'd go through periods of dieting and indulging.

When I moved to So. Cal. in 2006 I was in the best shape of my life. I was down to about 135 and was constantly doing yoga and pilates and running. I had done the Fat Flush Plan, and never ate any refined sugar. I kept my carbs to a minimum as well.

Then I met Robbie and the happy weight kept creeping higher and higher. I found myself dismissing any compliment he gave me. He'd tell me how gorgeous I looked and I would lay it on thick with a "No. You're wrong. I'm a fat blob...let's go get ice cream tonight." Then the whole pregnancy, bedrest and gestational diabetes thing happened and I reached the heaviest I've ever been.

I want to look in the mirror and say, "Hello gorgeous! You're looking ravishing today." But all I can think of is, "Ugh...sagging boobs, stretch marks and a double chin. I think I'm going to take away all the mirrors from this house."

The thing is, that's not what Heavenly Father wants me to think about myself. After all, he gave me this body - right? He let me come to the best family in the world and it just so happened that I inherited my weight problems from them.

My mother said exactly the same things about herself as I say daily to myself. She always told me how beautiful I was all the while putting herself down. Well, it's time to break the cycle. I don't want to have a daughter hear me criticize the gift that God gave me. I want to be able to teach her that beauty comes in different packages and that it is definitely not found on the cover of a magazine. I for one am going to keep looking inward through prayer and scripture study and find that beauty and contentment with who I am that's just waiting to burst out of me, so that I can teach my daughter(s) what's most important in this life.

We need to look within ourselves ladies and live up to our God-given potential. We need to remember that as we develop our beauty within, it will begin to creep outward until it shines out of every pore in our bodies.

We are devoted wives, mother's, sisters, friends. We have strength and courage to live every day and keep our heads up high. We are beautiful no matter our weight, ethnic background or social standing.

We are Devotion.

We are Strength.

We are Beauty.



Here's what I ate today:

Breakfast

8oz Skim Milk - 90 Calories
1 Scoop Whey Protein - 95 Calories
3/4 Large Banana - 90 Calories

Total Breakfast: 275 Calories

Snack

Low Fat Crackers - 140 Calories
1T Almond Butter - 90 Calories

Total Snack: 230 Calories

Lunch

Grilled Chicken Breast Subway with Avocado - 370 Calories
Apple Slices - 35 Calories

Total Lunch: 405 Calories

Snack (It was a busy day and this was all I had)

Low fat crackers - 140 Calories
1T Almond Butter - 90 Calories

Total Snack: 230 Calories

Dinner

1.5 Whole Wheat Pancakes (sugar free syrup and a tiny bit of butter) - 233 Calories
Egg Whites - 50 Calories
2 Strips Turkey Bacon- 76 Calories
1 Cup Fruit - 70 Calories

Total Dinner: 429 Calories

Total Calories for Day 29: 1569
Total Water for Day 29: 1 Gallon
Exercise for Day 29: 30 Minutes Elliptication