Still Trying to Face Reality

Dear Blog Friends (if there are any of you left),

My life has been crazy...CRAZY I tell you. 

I thought way back when I started this blog that I would go on a diet and get skinny and everything would be great. Right? Wrong. Turns out that the Reality is that I have failed miserably at all the diets I've attempted including the ones I've attempted on this blog. There was one diet where I actually changed my life and eating habits for a while (like 2 years) but I still had the thought in the back of my mind, "Once I'm (insert: Married, have babies, land this great job etc, etc, etc, dot, dot, dot) I won't have to eat so healthy and I can relax a little." I still thought of it as a diet, not a lifestyle.

The truth is, this is going to be a life long struggle for yours truly. I will never be able to "relax." I look at my family history and my elderly relatives and even my not so elderly relatives and I see that I have to be on it like glue and not veer from it...ever. They have so many health problems because they were never taught how to eat correctly or fed into the diet crazes of their time.  My dear, sweet husband sees the value of good healthy nutrition, but gets cranky if he doesn't get pizza, a burger or cookies every once in a while and when we were first dating and married he said I was a party pooper if I didn't join him in eating like that, so of course I joined him, but that wasn't his fault, it was mine. The fact is, I don't have anyone to blame but myself, because I make my eating choices.

So what do I do? 

I've been thinking a lot about the Word of Wisdom lately and how so many of us members of the LDS Church have had this health code at our fingertips for more than a century but still don't follow it.  Sure we don't drink coffee, tea, alcohol, do drugs etc, but we also don't follow the part about eating herbs, fruits, vegetables, meat sparingly, and all grain being the "staff of life." We don't add these things into our diet and have joined the rest of the country in eating the chemically processed foods that we are conditioned to love.  I'm coming to realize that sugar is my heroin and that even though I do eat a diet that includes fruits and vegetables, it's not nearly enough.  When I'm busy and overstressed (which, believe me, I have been) and life gets too much to handle, I go to my 1st love which is sugar and carbs. 

I need to figure this out, because I see how my life could be if I don't, and it really isn't what I want.

Here are some links to things that have inspired me lately:

http://www.hungryforchange.tv/

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/losing-180-pounds-really-does-body-8212-160-163900419.html

Love,
Em-Cat

Are you kidding me?!?!

I've been super good at changing my diet and really incorporating exercise into my lifestyle. Everyone I see comes up to me and tells me how great I'm looking and that I'm shrinking. Well, I stepped on the scale this morning and I've gained 7 POUNDS! 7 POUNDS PEOPLE! I'm so discouraged. I just want to throw in the towel and eat a cookie.

Ugh! I won't eat a cookie, but I'm super angry and discouraged. You know what I did after stepping on the scale? I got on the treadmill. So, yes I am going to keep going, but I think I'm going to stay away from the scale FOREVER! So stupid.


- Lovingly posted by EmCat

I Love it When I like How I Look in a Picture...

When I saw this photo, I was shocked at how thin I looked! And I really liked it. It's actually a great pic of all of us, except little Baby A, he had a tough time this entire vacay...poor kid. I didn't realize we had a group of guys hanging out behind us. It always makes me wonder how many pictures I've shown up in the back ground of. :)



As you can see, we've been traveling. We just got home from about 10 days in Utah. Let me tell you, it was a great trip. Every fun thing there is to do there, we did. I'll have you know, I did really great with sticking to my diet, with a few little exceptions. I'm kinda proud of myself. It showed me that I can do this, and I won't let my guard down even when I'm on vacation.

We're back home and into the grind. I now it's time to start getting into a workout routine. I'm not quite sure what I want to focus on though. Hmm, decisions, decisions...

- Lovingly posted by EmCat

I Still have a TON of Work to do

Yes I'm wearing pants that haven't fit me since the day I bought them, but I gotta do something about those rolls! Ugh!!!

On a happier note, I had a great workout today. I alternated sprints and walking on the treadmill and I felt great afterward. It was such a fun, good workout. Each day I feel more and more energy and my workouts are becoming much more enjoyable. I'm feeling really good right now :)

- Lovingly posted by EmCat

Woo-hoo

I'm out of the 180's!!!! I'm super excited. Now just 39 lbs to go!


- Lovingly posted by EmCat

I'm Still Here...

Me and "J" during chubbier times
...and yes I'm still working on losing weight.  We're on the tail end of a marathon of guests at our house.  My brother and his family came in early June.  He left his 12 year old daughter here for a month then my oldest sister came down and picked her up.  We dropped them off at the airport Sunday and now today my good friend is here to stay.  My poor husband hasn't been able to walk around in his underwear for so long...I just know he's going to break into tears at any moment.
The diet is going great. I've been doing the full blown Fat Flush Plan for about a month and I feel awesome!  I am able to wear clothes I haven't worn in years and I have so much more energy.  I actually feel like a real mom.  I can run after the kids and not get winded.  My tummy is going down and hopefully soon people won't ask if I'm expecting.  I'm able to bend over much easier as well.
There are a few discouraging things though:  First, either my scale is broken or I'm just not losing weight that fast.  It's hovering around 180.  I can't seem to get past that blasted number.  I feel like I've lost more weight than that.  Who knows, maybe I'm gaining muscle, which is good.
Second, very few people seem to notice I'm losing weight, either that or they just aren't going to say anything.  In my opinion the best thing you can say to a fat girl like me is "You look great! Have you lost weight?" It makes you want to keep going!  Seriously, people I haven't seen in months aren't even noticing.  I guess I just haven't met that mark where it actually looks like it's coming off.  A friend of mine once told me a story of another friend of hers who was extremely overweight and had lost 5 lbs.  She was so discouraged that no one noticed, she quit her diet and gained even more than she lost.  Silly...I'm smart enough to know that 5lbs is not noticeable when you have a TON of weight to lose. So I guess I'll just keep plugging along even though it's been more than 20 lbs I've lost.
The third discouraging thing is that just in the last week I've had more kidney stones.  The worst thing you can eat when you get kidney stones is fruits and veggies because of the oxalates in them.  They bind with the calcium in your blood and form stones in your kidneys.  There's no way on earth I'm going to stop eating fruits and veggies, so I'm going to have to suffer through the kidney stones.  Ugh...oh well, hopefully they don't get to be too big!
Well, I haven't really weighed myself since the last discouraging weigh in, but I might do it some time soon.  Right now though, I'm focusing on how I feel and I feel good!  I guess that's most important! :) Peace out and healthy eating!
P.S here are a few recent photos of me! I think they give you an idea of how much better I'm looking, at least compared to the above photo :)








This is me trying to show you a tummy shot!




We've both grown. Him bigger me smaller.

Note to Self...

Don't ever weigh yourself the day before your period...period, no exceptions! You'll just look at the scale and say, "SIX POUNDS! HOW IN THE @&$!#%^*#+=£€¥!?);@- DID I GAIN SIX POUNDS? NOTHING I'M DOING IS WORKING I THINK I NEED TO GO EAT SOME CHOCOLATE CAKE!" but then I'll calm down and not really eat the chocolate cake because it would just make me feel worse about myself, so instead I'll choose some celery or something similarly annoying. And then the next day I'll start my period and realize that I'm just the queen of water-weight gain when hormones take control of my body.

*sigh*

Sometimes I just hate how my body is. I often find myself daydreaming about having long beautiful supermodel legs and a tiny waist with no stretch marks in sight, the double chin non-existent and the fat/bulky arms replaced with thin muscular beauties. Then I realize that isn't my reality. I need to change the things I have control over, (like the bulky arms and double chin) and get over the fact that my legs will never be long and though I can work on my stomach, it probably won't get to be the size of a supermodel. And the stretch marks? Well, they don't seem to be going anywhere.  I'm going to just have to remind myself of how great my two boys are and that I'd get them again and again if that meant having my little men in my life.

Even though I shouldn't compare myself to Hollywood Stars, I still have a few I would love to look like.  Here they are in no particular order:

I probably would look like that too if I had make-up artists, air brushing and plastic surgery at my fingertips. But it's nice to dream - right?